Let Me Love You
by Let-it-lie
Summary: EstLiet Estonia wished that Lithuania would overcome his pain and his fear, enabling the barriers between them to finally come down. He had waited for a long time, but finally he would be able to show his love to the other.
1. Let Me Hold You

**I've had EstLiet feelings in my head for a while now, and I had to get them down on paper. I hope to make a contribution to EstLiet on this site, especially considering that when I looked it up, there were less than ten stories for the pairing. Am I really one of the only people who ships them? **

**I should really be updating 'Love Simulations', and some other stuff, but I just had to get this down.**

**I apologise in advance for any bad feelings caused by this story, along with any historical and cannon inaccuracies.**

**Both of the characters' thoughts are in italics. I think, however, that it is possible to tell the difference between them.**

* * *

The narrow beam of light shone through the door, falling on the still, silent figure positioned in the corner of the room, his face turned towards the wall.

"Lithuania?"

Estonia's concerned voice cut through the steely silence as he briefly studied the unresponsive figure. Recognising defensive body language, he chose not to approach the other nation straight away.

"What are you doing here, Estonia?"

The response was spoken harshly, and had been delivered many moments too late. Estonia pushed his own personal feelings of rejection out of the way, reminding himself that he needed to focus. It wasn't like Lithuania to be so cold and uncaring, suggesting to Estonia that there were painful emotions concealed behind Lithuania's words.

"I just wanted to talk."

He spoke quietly and slowly, as if he were afraid of upsetting the other nation.

Lithuania had turned away from Estonia in order to conceal his feelings. He could hear the pain and sorrow in his companion's voice even as he closed his eyes briefly to escape the bitter reality of the situation.

"I don't have time to talk to you, Estonia. I'm sorry. I have piles of work to do, and it's past midnight."

Excuses came easily to Lithuania. He had become increasingly talented at thinking them up while he had been living at Russia's house, even if they hadn't often paid off.

_I can't do this now. It is too hard for me. How can I share with anyone my pain? What if I get hurt again? _

Estonia did not give up easily. If he wanted something, and had decided that it was possible to obtain, he would keep working towards it. He watched the other, trying to think of the best words to use.

If only Lithuania would let him in, he would give him the loving care and the comfort that he deserved. He just needed to make Lithuania open up.

"You never have the time anymore, Lithuania. Not for me; not for Latvia; not for anyone."

The words had their intended effect. Lithuania gave a short gasp and began to shake slightly, his hands covering his face. Estonia slowly walked over to him, placing a gentle hand on his wrist to steady him.

Lithuania flinched at the contact and jerked his arm away, refusing to meet the other nation's eyes. Estonia turned to face the suffering nation, his eyes filled with pain.

"I called you; I wrote to you; I even called your government to arrange a meeting, yet every single one of these requests you ignored. Why are you blocking everyone out, Lithuania? Is that what you want? To hurt us?"

Lithuania paled slightly, but he managed to keep self-control.

_No. Please stop, Estonia. I can't take this; not now. It's too much._

Lithuania barely reacted when Estonia reached up to softly touch his cheek. His eyes were dry, but inside he was breaking apart.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Lithuania? Being separated from everyone must be an unhappy way to live. You've even stopped contacting Poland; the person whom you used to love so long ago."

At the sound of Poland's name, Lithuania snapped out of the darkness, pushing Estonia abruptly away from him.

"Don't mention Poland to me. You have no idea what happened between us."

"You don't love him anymore."

The following silence was answer enough. Somewhere secretly within him, Estonia celebrated the battle that had already been won.

Lithuania saw that his companion grasped the fact, realising that he'd have to tell another lie to deter the other's persistent advances.

"I don't need anyone, Estonia. I am free now. Now that I have my independence, I..."

Estonia raised his hand to stop the oncoming speech. He knew that the other nation wouldn't be able to deny his loneliness and desperation for much longer.

"Say that again while looking at me, Lithuania. I've been through much of what you have; I have some idea of what this feels like for you."

He lifted the other's limp hand to caress it softly. The move startled Lithuania, but this time he didn't pull away.

"I still hear them." He murmured thickly, "My people. I hear their screams. I hear them in my sleep, and in my every waking hour I can't forget all that Russia did to me."

Estonia blinked, studying the other's pained expression.

"We all get those dreams, Lithuania. You especially, since you were called to suffer so much more than us."

"I used to be strong." The words were whispered. "Why did it have to happen to us?"

The agony in Lithuania's eyes was obvious, mirrored by Estonia's own facial expression. Somehow his arm found its way around Lithuania's waist, and the two found themselves wrapped in a tight embrace.

_I don't know. I can't provide you with an answer. I'm sorry, my love._

"I miss you. I need you, Lithuania. I wake up hoping that you'll be lying by my side, but I'm always alone."

The words were spoken honestly, painstakingly. They called out for a reaction, yet the receiver was unable to respond.

_I want you too._

Suddenly Lithuania froze, pulling himself out of Estonia's grasp.

"I can't do this, Eduard. I'm sorry."

Estonia was surprised to hear Lithuania use his human name. If only the nation would stop blocking him out, everything between them would be gone. He needed to say something, and soon.

"You're afraid, Toris. Afraid of being hurt again. You won't let anyone come close to you in case they damage you."

It was an observation, and a somewhat harsh one at that, but it rang so true that Lithuania didn't reject it.

_He knows. He must understand, then._

"Aren't you afraid?"

A brief nod.

"Yes, but I try not to let it get in my way. We have to move on now."

Lithuania turned away from his companion again, trying to conceal the desperate need in his eyes.

"I can't trust you."

"Please, just let me hold you. I need to feel you close to me."

Estonia took hold of the other nation again, resting his head against his neck. If he could only tell Lithuania the truth, perhaps the wall between them would be broken.

_I love you._

"We've both been broken, in ways that not many can understand, yet we have each other. We are fortunate to have each other. We must hold on to each other."

Lithuania dropped to his knees, and Estonia knelt down beside him, refusing to let him go. The breathing of the other nation was haggard, and his face was a pale, skeletal white.

"Why are you doing this now, Eduard? All of those years, while Russia still possessed us, you could've been there for me, yet I was always alone."

Before, Estonia had been supporting Lithuania's shaking frame. The instant that he registered the nation's words, he grabbed hold of him, restricting his movements. Lithuania was not alarmed by the sudden grip, nor did he protest against it.

Estonia's hands suddenly went to Lithuania's shirt, stripping him of it cleanly in a moment. Still the nation remained silent.

Estonia finally released his grip on Lithuania's body, allowing the nation to fall against him. His fingers traced the scars on Lithuania's back, every touch gentle and loving.

"They don't hurt you anymore, do they?"

The words were spoken as softly as the feather-light touches.

_No, it doesn't hurt me when you touch me like that._

"Toris, I can't tell you how sorry I am. All that time, I let you take most of Russia's cruelty. You were strong; stronger than the other two of us put together, and I was afraid. I'm sorry."

An empathetic pause.

"You have scars too, Eduard."

Lithuania found it hard to take the sympathy. Pity was hard to receive; it meant that you were acknowledging a weakness. Estonia felt his resistance and allowed him to support himself.

The minute that Estonia released him, Lithuania fell forward onto his chest, unable to hold himself up for much longer.

_See? You do need me after all. _

_Perhaps if I try now, he won't push me away._

Estonia pulled himself over Lithuania; his body warming up the other's, his lips pressed against the other's neck.

"They are nothing compared to yours though, Toris."

Lithuania tried to gain control of his gasps, slowly relaxed into Estonia's embrace. Slowly he felt his fears and doubts slip away from him.

"If you are cold, I will warm you up; If you are hurt, I will be there to comfort you. I'll hold on to you. Let me love you."

The words were whispered lovingly in Lithuania's ear. Estonia's fingers were threaded through the other's hair and passion was in his eyes.

Lithuania felt release.

"I'm sorry, Estonia. I have been ignoring you for too long, when all along I should've been close to you. Let's love each other. I'll be right beside you."

Estonia lifted himself off of Lithuania, turning the other's body so that they could meet each other's eyes. Tears had somehow come to both of them. As they embraced, their bodies were filled with a warmth that neither of them had known in a long time.

Their lips met in a soft and loving kiss; sought after for so long, obtained so hungrily. For a while they lay in each other's arms, trying to get as close as possible to each other.

They were to remain like that for a long, long time.

Their last words were spoken with meaning.

"Let's look towards the future."

"Who knows. We might even be happy."

* * *

**This story is not yet finished, however when I do get round to other chapters, they won't be in chronological order. I hope that EstLiet grows throughout the fandom.**

******Thank you for reading. **


	2. I'll Never Leave You

**I'm definitely continuing with this now, along with my other EstLiet stories. I've changed my mind about the plotline though; it will be in chronological order and there will be no proper Soviet flashbacks. Instead I will be writing another EstLiet fic set during Soviet times. As for this chapter, well, I apologise in advance for anything that I need to. This is all from Estonia's pov, as Lithuania is asleep. Anyway, enjoy.**

* * *

When Estonia woke, it was still dark. The moon from earlier in the night had become concealed by the clouds, but the sky was lit up with an array of stars. As his eyes adjusted to the light, and his body slowly woke up, he felt the arms wrapped tightly around him; the warm body pressed up against his. Lithuania was still lying beside him, taken away by a deep and unburdened sleep.

No dreams had come to Estonia that night; for the first time in months, his mind had finally been at rest. However, the knowledge that the nightmares would return haunted him.

Estonia pushed his negative feelings to the back of his mind. Lithuania was beside him, and they had each other to hold on to. Everything would be alright.

Carefully he unlatched his own arms from around Lithuania, muttering a silent apology and kissing the other softly on the forehead. In answer, his sleeping partner gave a pathetic moan and pulled himself towards the nation. Estonia wanted to stay and hold Lithuania close to him for longer, but the guilt that he felt for allowing Lithuania to sleep on the floor in the first place far outweighed the wants of the sleeping nation.

As Estonia sat up, he felt for the first time the dull ache that came from spending the night on the floor, realising that he had been right to want to move Lithuania. Having relocated his glasses, he turned straight away to his sleeping companion, surveying him with a kind of lethargic fondness. Estonia allowed himself the moment to capture the peaceful, uninhibited expression on Lithuania's face, knowing that he wouldn't be allowed to see it again anytime soon.

On glancing up quickly at the clock, Estonia discovered that it was barely four o'clock in the morning, meaning that he would have time to move the two of them onto Lithuania's bed and then to go back to sleep again beside his love.

The nation examined his sleeping companion, planning how best to pick him up without waking him; hoping that he would have the strength to do so. He bent down, wrapping his arms around the drowsy nation and raising him slowly from the ground. He hoped inwardly that Lithuania wouldn't mind being carried in that way. Personally, Estonia himself would have minded, but with Lithuania you couldn't tell those sorts of things. It seemed to Estonia that there wasn't much the nation couldn't tolerate, save living with Russia.

It had been such a cruel twist of fate that Lithuania had ended up under Russia's control. Of all the nations that could have ended up in the situation, Lithuania deserved better. Lithuania was the bravest, most selfless person that Estonia knew, and all that the universe had given him in return for his kindness had been pain. Estonia had decided to change that. Lithuania needed and deserved love; everything about him cried out for respect and honour, yet he had received nothing. Estonia would have to tell Lithuania again and again that he deserved better than anything that the universe could provide for him.

Lithuania curled against Estonia as he was carried, and Estonia's arms kept him warm and safe.

Estonia was a little shocked at how light Lithuania was. He had expected to struggle carrying the still impossibly strong nation, but had found lifting him as easy as lifting a pillow. It was true that Lithuania had lost weight living with Russia; through worrying and an acute lack of decent food, but Estonia thought that he should've put on at least some weight during the previous few years.

Straight away worries for the other nation came to him. He'd assumed when he came that Lithuania was deeply unhappy, but it hadn't occurred to him that the nation might be depressed. Thinking about it, the fact seemed obvious. He himself had had to counter depression and get to his feet after they had established their independence, and had only just got through it. He'd had the help of people such as Finland and Latvia to see him through, along with his own interest in technology. Until Estonia had arrived, Lithuania had had no-one to force him to get over things. There was Poland, and there was America, but America was in love with England and Poland only cared about himself. Lithuania deserved better than them, and Estonia was determined to try to give him better.

Estonia would see to it that Lithuania got through his depression. He would also make sure that Lithuania ate properly, even if it meant cooking food for the nation that he himself hated. He'd also have to make sure that Lithuania was sleeping enough and not working too hard; when he'd come, Lithuania had been in the middle of work at a time when he should have been asleep. Estonia made a mental note to himself to call Lithuania's boss and tell him* to stop giving the nation so much paperwork.

Estonia eventually reached the staircase, remembering the last time that he had walked with Lithuania up a similar one.

_Lithuania would be propped up on Estonia's arm. His shirt would be stained with blood from one of Russia's vicious whippings and it would be painful for him to stand. He would lean on Estonia's arm as they made their way up the stairs; Estonia hurting on the inside as badly as Lithuania was hurting on the outside. Their struggle was symbolic of the distance that they had come._

When Estonia had carried Lithuania to the top of Lithuania's own staircase in the nation's own home, and had finished remembering the staircase that they used to climb, he scanned the landing for Lithuania's bedroom. It didn't take him long to locate it, and to lay Lithuania down on his bed on top of crisp sheets. He realised that they were still dressed, so slowly began to remove their outer layers of clothing. For the second time, he was hesitant to act without Lithuania's direct permission.

When he had finished making Lithuania as comfortable as possible, Estonia wrapped the nation in blankets. He stopped to look closely at Lithuania, feeling all too familiar emotions. The pure love of too many lifetimes, and the desperate want that came with it. He felt detached from the sleeping person; afraid of being rejected. It was as if he was once again separated from Lithuania.

He knew that his next move should be to slip in beside Lithuania and hold him close, but he felt hesitant to do so. His mind was being controlled by his memories and painful emotions. For a moment, the room became silent; Lithuania somewhere far away, and Estonia absorbed in his own emotional turmoil.

Fortunately, Lithuania wasn't completely asleep, so was able to feel the temperature of the bed, and the lack of loving companionship.

"Estija?"

Lithuania called out Estonia's name in his native tongue, and Estonia was at once by his side, snapping out of his confusion. He quickly slipped below the covers, taking hold of Lithuania as if he would never let him go.

"I'm so sorry, Leedu. I promise that I'll never leave you, or reject you, again. I love you. Remember that. I never left you; I never wanted to."

Estonia was almost crying aloud in his desperation to show the nation in his arms how much he cared.

"I'm sorry for holding back; for worrying that you wouldn't want me."

Estonia had no idea whether Lithuania was alert enough to hear him or to understand him, but it didn't matter to him. All he wanted was to tell the nation how he felt. Deep within him was the unspoken fear that Lithuania didn't love him, but also within him was the determination that he would make Lithuania love him.

It seemed suddenly strange to him that he had doubts of Lithuania's love, as the nation in question had his face pressed against Estonia's chest and his arms around Estonia's neck, grasping tightly; almost tight enough to hurt, but not quite.

It would be hard for Estonia to be there for Lithuania. He had his own problems to deal with, and while Lithuania's very presence seemed to solve all of his problems, there were things that Estonia would try to conceal from Lithuania. Not only his own physical scars, but his mental ones as well. Estonia didn't want Lithuania to know that it wasn't him holding the two of them together.

He remembered Lithuania's comment,

'I used to be so strong.'

_You were always strong. You still are. Despite the fact that you are consumed by depression, the fact that you are still here; that you never stopped going, is beyond my own comprehension._

Estonia stopped to examine Lithuania's scarred, damaged body, feeling a pain for him that couldn't be explained in words.

_Russia took everything from you; your confidence, your pride, your strength, your home. I wish that I could give everything back to you, but I can only try._

_I owe more to you than I can describe; in terms of you taking abuse for me, and in helping me to get through. Who was there to pull you through; all of those years? No-one, yet you still made it. Please help me to get through this along with you._

He reached up to softly caress Lithuania's face. He loved the feeling of the other nation's skin brushing against his own. The craving for closeness was all-consuming.

He kissed the other lightly on the nose, pressing his lips against the cheek which he had been stroking. He remembered how Lithuania often had cuts on his face; courtesy of Russia. Some of them had been very deep; if Lithuania hadn't had been a nation, they would probably have left a permanent mark. It had been Estonia's responsibility to clean them for him. Lithuania had never complained while Estonia did so.

Thin fingers parted the hair covering Lithuania's face, threading through the intricate strands, getting a feel for the soft, smooth texture. Estonia recognised the feel of Lithuania's hair; he had used to stroke it on those dreadful nights when Lithuania's world was darkened with pain, and everything became out of control.

_You used to take care of my injuries too, when you were unable to prevent me from getting them. That's how come I know that it hurt you to be healed, because it hurt me. You used to be very gentle. I was always as gentle as I possibly could be, even though I know that sometimes you had to force yourself to stop from screaming in pain._

Everything would be ok. It was all over. He no longer had to torment himself by reliving those times.

Estonia pulled the other nation closer, kissing him lovingly. All would be well.

Sleep claimed him once more.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. I'm sorry that it was so long. Also, you should all write EstLiet. Do it. **

**I will hopefully get round to updating my other stories in about a week; I was able to update this now that 'Love Simulations' is out of the way.**

***This fic is set about three years after the fall of the Soviet Union, so we can assume that Lithuania's boss is male.**


End file.
